I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
