hotel room ftw
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dick very happy bro
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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