I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will be naked everywhere
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
