my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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