Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
