dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
