Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
