remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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