dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
