yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
