and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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