No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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