The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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