When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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