Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
did i walk over a car last night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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