he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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