I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
