She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
