She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
