i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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