My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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