eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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