New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
