how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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