I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
