look no pants
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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