Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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