I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
