i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
