jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
