This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
