So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
