i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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