Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
