i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
