its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Still dying that you shit outside
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
