im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
