I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
