But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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