I just made out with a guy for $7.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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