i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
