I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
