Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
