You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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