Your face is a jimmy john
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
