Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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