The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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