I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
