just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
