if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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