Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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