so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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