I love black thongs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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