Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
