Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
