I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
