Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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