I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
