dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
