Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bring me that man meat
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
