Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do vagina's smell?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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