she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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