Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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