Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
