i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
