He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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